User blog:Thegreatjman/I disagree with Chuck Norris vs Segata Sanshiro more than any other Death Battle

Why? Why is it that almost no one talks out against this fight? Instead everyone hates on Garaa vs Toph, Wonder Woman vs Rogue and Yang vs Tifa. But for all the salt, I practically never see anyone mention this fight, which, in my opinion, is THE most innacurate Death Battle result EVER.

Now, I know what you're going to say: "It's a joke fight!" "It's not supposed to be taken seriously!" Yeah, well you know what? I don't think that's an excuse for this fight, it was SUCH a mismatch, Chuck Norris (memed) DESTROYES Segata in any and all situations.

Here are some comparisons:

Strength:

In Segata's analysis, there wasn't exactly a real lifting feat, outside of the missile, which they reasoned as Segata "Making it weigh less than it actually should" so that shouldn't really count. (I'm using their research, so there's no excuse of saying "They didn't see that"). There is the giant Sega Saturn that he always carries around with him, so I guess that means something. I'm sure there's a better strength feat, but I doubt it makes a difference. Impressive, but not compared to Chuck Norris.

Memed!Chuck Norris can MOVE THE EARTH BY DOING PUSH UPS! 'PUSH. UPS.' Pretty clear result here.

Speed:

Segata ran 60+ mph on ice. Again, very impressive, but again, not compared to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is so fast that he can run around the Earth and punch himself in the back of the head! Meaning, he is fast enough to be in two places at once. Which is physically IMPOSSIBLE! Point goes to Norris.

Durability:

Segata survived the blast of the missile and the vacuum of space.

Chuck Norris doesn't really have any really good Durability feats that I know of, at least none that stack up to surviving a blast from a missile. There's the fact that when he went skydiving it created the Grand Canyon, but not quite the same as an extremely large missile exploding in the vaccum of space, and crashing down to Earth. So this point goes to Segata (but Norris probably would take this, considering the other feats that Memed!Norris has, but there's no garuntee)

DC:

Segata's Judo Throw can make the target explode. Twice.

Chuck Norris' Round House kick releases the same amount of energy as the Big Bang! Point Norris.

Also, that feat of taking down a whole club of people in three moves is total bullshit, since in another commercial, he used the same three moves to beat up three kids. So three moves = three kids, but it also equals a club full of people? Yeah, I don't think so.

So, in short:

Boomstick: In all our years of research, we've never an opponent worthy enough to take on the roundhouse kicking, beard punching, Texas ranger!

And you still haven't.

What do you think? I can garuntee I missed several things, can you tell me anything that might change this? Do you just not care and enjoy the fight for the memeyness (that's not a word, but it is now!). Am I just being completely bitchy? Tell me in the comments below.