Yeah, we all knew it would happen given my track record with these servers and wikis. I am going to be leaving today, sorry to any friends here who may not like that.
I’ve been planning to leave here for a while(I’m gonna be honest here, I have been planning to do it before the creation of the DBW wiki, not to mention after what happened there).
I am an indecisive guy who never makes up his mind so I might return but I doubt it. I’d say I’ve recently done very good with committing to leaving these servers and wikis so I don’t think I’ll be having any problems this time.
I don’t like people not knowing things. I don’t like things ending with no explanation for why, so I’ll take some time to personally detail my reasons for leaving and how I feel about it.
The first thing is simple: I just am not having fun here. At all. You guys are all having fun in this place, but I’ve been through so much drama related to this place that whenever I get online here, I think of random memories of stressful arguments here and get pissed off for bare minimum an our straight.
It’s healthiest for me if I just remove this place from my life entirely.
The second thing is that I frankly still feel that the majority of my warns are wrongful(and some just objectively are) leaving me on my last warn and given that there are so may warnings that I see as unfair, I think I’d probably get yet another one sooner or later anyway.
Then the third, which we all knew I was going to mention: there are just too many people here that either I hate or that hate me. Luckily most of them are respectful enough not to bother me if I hate them(most) and I try not to interact with them either if they have a problem with me, but it still just makes me feel more out of place in the community(and it’s hard to avoid saying anything to those people that hate me when there are multiple instances of people I wasn’t in any drama against and spoke to positively in our last meeting just for it to turn out that they had a problem with me and never told me ahead of time)
I know that I could just stay anyway, but it’s not worth it. I still feel so detached from the community now that this place doesn’t really matter to me anymore anyway. I also have no way of knowing who will dislike me or want to cut contact with me next and given that I never get told ahead of time, I’ll truly never know until I make the mistake of talking to them.
I frankly cannot log on without worrying about this, which is not good for me mentally.
The next thing is that I’m just overall balancing too much for me to be active in the first place. My life has massively improved since I became inactive and left most servers related to people here. I’ll tell a little story about how much things have changed.
I’ve been working to improve my YouTube channel(road to 100 subs. An incredibly small but important start), I’ve been working on establishing myself on the internet as a Murder Drones expert(gonna humble Matpat soon because only one Murder Drones expert can exist. Bro should have stuck with Five Nights at Freddy’s), I became friends with Local and have been moderating his server for a long time(with me becoming a co-owner a few weeks ago), and I have for once found a community where I truly felt valued(which is important for my ego) to the point where it obviously is where I spend most of my time.
There is also high school, that shit is important but also would make things even harder to balance if I did want to stay.
I’ve even started making a name for myself in other scaling communities on YouTube ever since I started distancing myself from this place, such as me and my friend Mr. Cricket(also a goated YouTuber) being called “the goats of Murder Drones scaling” by my other friend(and scaling student now), the YouTuber Olivia_VT/Drone_Editz. I’ve also helped Cricket with his own MD scaling and am making my own giant MD scaling video that will be incredibly detailed.
Olivia even calls me into debates to explain things in debates when she doesn’t know what to say, and asked to be my student. I really don’t have words for how much this means to me, and it has surprisingly made my time in the YouTube scaling communities much better than my time here.
There are a lot of you who I will miss, I’m not the overly emotional type but it does still bring a tear to my eye to think about leaving this place(even though I have far more negative memories than positive ones) and you guys.
Some of you helped me a lot, I don’t want you to forget just how important you were. Many of you(especially my best friend from this wiki, @Samfry523 ) contributed a lot to getting me out of my suicidal days back when I was dealing with abusive step parents. Back and forth, day after day, I’d always decide not to commit suicide in the old days but it always felt like it would get worse anyway and usually it did, making me regret it the next day.
You guys helped me through that. I probably wouldn’t be alive today if I didn’t have such friends here, and today I think my mental health is back to normal for once.(though I’m getting bad deja vu from this. I’m kinda worried that now that I said my mental health is good, that something bad will happen, but I just gotta hope for the best)
For better or worse, this place has had a permanent impact on my life.
It’s just my time to leave this place. This place always reminds me of bad times and times when I was in a bad place mentally, and all the flamewars really just worsened it every time.
I remember the old days as the worst days of my life(though people like Sam, Lenton, and Poogo really made it livable) and now it is up to me to end this chapter of my life and move onto something better and more glorious. The light is shining on a brave new day for me and it’s time that I stop procrastinating and make the effort to cut ties with this place and create my own future.
I will 100% abandon the Death Battle Fanon as well but I might return there for a little bit(even though there are people there that I want to avoid too) to complete all the projects I wanted to do before going. Gotta make sure everything in this chapter of my life that matters to me gets a proper conclusion.
I’m not gonna be here to debate for MD or other shows that I like anymore, but if any if my friends have inquiries about the scaling for any reason ever, then feel free to DM me.
Now I could talk forever, I have so much I want to say and I originally planned to say more than three times more than this, but sadly I an incapable of putting as much as I think into a coherent or meaningful sentence without them losing their meaning.
Because of this, I didn’t even take time to go into detail about most of my friends here, which leads me to one final thing: If any of my old friends want to comment here, if any of you want to say goodbye and hear what I think about you and how much I care about you, then please comment here and I’ll try to respond to them all first chance I get.
